2010: The Year I Get Myself Back #2

It has been a few months since my proclamation to take my life back. And, sadly, I thought that I would be updating that nothing has happened, that I had failed to make any changes of significance. Then, this morning at breakfast, my husband said something interesting. We went out to eat, and I was chatty with the host and the waitress. Nothing new to me, or so it seemed. My husband said I was very talkative today. I said, with a perplexed look, that I was always talkative. He said, “Yes, you were when we were dating, but for the last five or so years, not so much.” At first, I shook it off. He just wasn’t around me in a social setting very often. Then I wondered, had I already started my journey to find myself prior to my proclamation? I think I had. It is sad, though, that it took me months to notice the change.

About a year ago is when I decided to take the position of Secretary on my daughter’s school Foundation board. About a year ago is when I took the plunge and started speaking with the “PTA Moms.” You know the group; very cliquey, very “in”, very hard to ingratiate yourself with. It was slow and innocent in the beginning. I was only interested in volunteering to the best of my ability. I volunteered a few hours to help out with the Book Fair. I helped distribute cookie dough. Small steps. I had volunteered with the Foundation the previous year to help solicit donations for their annual auction fundraiser, then found myself helping with the organization of the event as well. I actually enjoyed doing it. It gave me a sense of pride, a sense of accomplishment. Me. Not Jack’s wife. Not Lizbeth’s mom. So, I decided to take a more active role this school year. When the Secretary position became available, I almost jumped at the chance to join the board. I say almost, because I did it very nonchalantly, as in “If no one else is interested, I suppose I could do it…” All the while praying no one else had shown an interest.

It has only been about eight months since I took the position, but if I look at my life now, there are definite changes. The biggest one being, I have friends. I went a long spell with only a friend or two (not counting family). I am very close to my mom and sister, but somehow that just isn’t enough. I slowly infiltrated the “PTA Moms.” I have had casual conversations about our kids, our husbands, our houses. I have had lunch dates. I have been invited to several parties. I have had Facebook friend requests. I know, sounds silly, but in today’s technology age, FB can be a huge validation. It allows you a glimpse into their private lives that you wouldn’t otherwise see. All in all, I am getting to know an amazing group of women. For some of them, their self-sacrifice is astounding. I feel honored to be part of this group.

And the story will continue….

Did You Make It?

Are you where you thought you would be at this stage in your life? Alluring question.

We all grow up dreaming about being doctors, lawyers, movie stars.... Then, somewhere around high school a bit of reality sets in and we choose something actually attainable for ourselves.

Throughout high school and college, I wanted to teach high school level English. What interested me was Dante, Shakespeare, Hawthorne, Fitzgerald, Bronte, Heller, Salinger…. By the time I finished my degree, the thought of teaching high school age kids terrified me. (Still does)

When I first got married, neither my husband nor I wanted kids. We decided five years later that we did. I'd have to say, I have never been happier than I am as a mom. I love my kids to death. They literally make me laugh on a daily basis. I never thought I would enjoy staying home. Now, the thought that I may have to go back to work depresses me.

So, no, I am not where I thought I would be. But I cannot imagine myself anywhere else